D’Arvit!

I totally LOVE lambasting LAME blogs.

Yeah, I’m such a meanie. But it had been said before: “Lambast your own, before you lambast others.”

What am I doing right now?

Reading MY blog.

And guess what? I’ve only just realized now that I’ve created such a monster blog infested with such a myriad of typographical errors and sentences with missing words. Because of this impossible nightmare, I’ve decided that it’s pretty much tasking if I edit ALL my entries… So I guess I have to live with them… FOR NOW.

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The D’Arvit! Imma Gonna LAMBAST You to Death Files: Part01:
The DEFINITION of a LAME BLOG:
A BLOG (web log, or online journal/diary/whatever you wish to call it) is considered LAME (according to D’Arvit! standards at least) if it contains one or more of the following:

Entries that have been written in this manner:
i.e. “2day s da 3rd day of da 6th mnth of da yr… Maaaan, I’m luvin dis whole blogging thng! I’m hvng d shivers frm xcitemnt… Ooh, der dey go again! And smileys!! U gotta luv smileys! Smileys, smileys, smileys!! So nywei, I pillaged a kngdm up nrth. It’s soooo lyk easy 2 loot frm those mbeciles. I raped d wmen n kild d chldrn. I wnt hom n my cutie cat Strawberry grited me. She’s soooooo qt. Juz lyk dis smiley. Hahaha!! Den i wtchd dis rily swit film She’s All That. I wuz goin awwwww ol d tym cuz its rily qt!!!!!!!! FREDDIE PRINZE IS D BOMB! Den i calld Tiffany n she calld Amber n we talkd bout which kngdm 2 attck nxt…” [as chewmiccah defined it.] 

Layouts that have NO COLOR COORDINATION AT ALL. Self-explanatory.

Bloggers who are so damn pathetic and desperate enough to MAKE UP AN IMAGINARY GUY/GIRL TO BLOG ABOUT. This is definitely TRUE. In this fake, superficial, plastic swivel-chair-driven cyberworld, anyone can do absolutely ANYTHING… And that includes making up FAKE IDENTITIES, and making up FAKE STORIES and SITUATIONS. Yes, my dear folks: the human race is going to the dogs. And oh yeah, did I mention that the rodents are the next dominatrices?

Bloggers who are so damn pathetic and desperate enough to DEDICATE HIS/HER BLOG TO CONCOCTING FAR-FETCHED FANTASIES INVOLVING HIS/HER–*coughchoketodeath*–”LOVED ONE”. Have these people got ANY IDEA that since blogs are PUBLISHED OVER THE INTERNET, anything–absolutely ANYTHING–that one writes on them is considered PUBLIC PROPERTY? [You're on the INTERNET, duh?!] Even if you defend your blog by saying that “it’s my blog, not yours,” let’s face it: some unfortunate intruder would stumble across your digitally written cyber monstrosity and read the products of your hallucinogen-induced visions. More or less–and let’s face it–you write LAME stuff and people would get to read your lame material. LAME MATERIAL=TRULY ANNOYING.

Nothing but cut-and-paste stuff [and totally NOTHING is written by the "writer"]. Thickening up your blog pages by posting stuff that is not written by YOU [and NOT WRITING A SINGLE ENTRY BY YOURSELF], my dear plagiarizer, defeats the purpose of a BLOG. According to this blog research paper [I forgot the author and the title], bloggers are categorized into TWO: The COPIERS and the THINKERS. Sure enough, the “COPIERS” do nothing but cut and paste material taken from other blogs. These people either don’t know how to write their own journal entries OR they don’t know what a PERSONAL BLOG is. On the other hand, “THINKERS” are the exact opposite.

Blogs that have traces of desperate mushiness and/or lovefool-sickness. *vomits* Well, that is pretty much self-explanatory. Mush makes me vomit. Case closed.* * * * *

to be continued…..

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RANDOM QUESTIONS: Why am I such a LOSER magnet? Do I REALLY look like Jun Jihyun as TinL or Anna insisted [btw, that's the BEST compliment I've ever had in many weeks! Thanks! :)]? How do you reject people without hurting their feelings? How do you tell people to buzz off since you hate their stinkin’ asshole-ic guts? Why are you reading up to THIS part? Are you sick or what??!

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This is the D’Arvit!-ed one, signing off….