D’Arvit!

I am currently reading JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring for the nth time. I told myself that I’ll try doing what the hard-core fans like Peter Jackson, Christopher Lee [a.k.a. Saruman in LotR and Count Dooku in StarWars], and Philippa Boyens have all been doing: they read LotR at least once a year. Not bad. I’d like to start doing that again. I wasn’t able to re-read LotR in 2004.

Anyway… Enough LotR-talk.

A lot has happened since the last time I posted an entry here.
How was the Grad Ball, you ask?

Take away all that nauseating commercial hullabaloo… And put in a decent program, and I would say that I had a great Grad Ball.

Thanks to the band, though, I really had a GREAT time.

Most of my classmates and I went to the ball without dates, and we had a BLAST!

I was dancing with JB, Cara, and Abe… We were dancing so hard [whoa, what a strong adjective!] and our feet started hurting… So we just kicked off our sandals, and walked around with bare feet!

Oh, boy. That was memorable!

I didn’t get a chance to say this, but I had one HELL of a GREAT time, guys! I really enjoyed the company! THANK YOU VERY MUCH…

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NOTE: This part was written in my room in the afternoon of April Fool’s [of ALL days, for cryin' out loud!!!]. Pardon the sentimentality & mush… I was not feeling like myself that day. I really missed IV-1 badly. I wrote this in order to relieve myself off that lonely feeling… But I guess it turned out that the feeling actually… GREW.

Graduation Day came and went [March 20, 2005]. If you browse back to my past entries, you would see how desperate I was to get the hell out of high school and leave the corrupt system behind. At that time, if you could recall, I would cry out to the sky, “! GUSTO KO NA MAG-GRADUATE!!!” My 4th Year high school planner, now devoid of all artistry and color that I used to put in my past school planners was riddled with phrases such as, “Save Me, Lord,”, “So little time, so much to do,”, or the much worse–but less common–word, “Suicide.”

I found no more fulfillment from what I was doing, and truly, everything became (as I wrote in The Magnificat’s latest “Pages from a Senior’s Journal”) a “black and white sub-human, mechatronic routine”.

“A Senior could look at it in two different ways,” I wrote. “A PESSIMIST would say, ‘Six down, three more friggin’ months to go,’ while an OPTIMIST would say, ‘I have had the BEST six months of my high school life, and I can’t wait to find out what’s going to happen to the remaining three’. YOU MAKE THE DECISION.”

Honestly, I thought myself to be part of the PESSIMIST’s category. As an aside, “Six down, three more friggin’ months to go,” is my usual blog entry’s sub-heading (or subliminal message).

Bah! The Hypocrite.

GRADUATION DAY CAME.

I never felt it coming. The first thing I said when I reached our assembly area was quite unorthodox: “Shoot! Kelangan pala magpa-parlor?!!”–a statement, I believe, that sounded quite insulting to my fully made-up classmates: lipstick, foundation, those curly locks, the works… all parlored up to aesthetic perfection, whilst I, on the other hand, ran around the school grounds in my tight, tight dress (I could barely breathe in it!): a clearance-waving and ballpen-wielding vision of untidy locks (if you could call my messy hair “locks”). I never felt that I was graduating at that day, that point, at exactly that moment… Never, until…

“Corina Vera–” she faltered.

A pause–then, “Arthea Corinna Vera Abe.” She called my classmate’s name. I watched our beloved Abe claim her hard-earned diploma onstage. She walked. She shook Dr.Licuanan’s hand. She bowed to the people.

At last! She is the first. She has graduated.

The next few minutes were quite blurred to me. Next thing I knew was that I was holding my diploma. A few eons later, I felt the heavy golden object around my neck. I heard everything, but I saw other things.

I saw myself with my barkada, doing last-minute cramming at our morning table.
I saw myself at the high school chapel, doing my daily morning routine: a short prayer to God before a hectic, hellish day.
I saw myself go out and have fun with my III-1/IV-1 buddies.
I saw my past homeroom teachers, Mrs.Salazar & Sir Jon [who believed], Mrs.G.Villanueva [who was always there], Teacher Ed & Teacher Cora [who inspired], and Teacher Yvette & Sir Dennis [who were one of us].
I saw myself, insomniac and very much angry.
I saw my friends, and classmates–the very people who have made going to school so much fulfilling and a lot more bearable.
I saw myself scream my head off at these very special people, cry my eyes out, or laugh my ass of with them.
Together we saw each others’ wrongs and imperfections–but loved and accepted each other because of these.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

At the risk of destroying my life by adding more mush and cheese into this entry, I just have to say that seriously, I saw my high school life flash before my eyes. It almost felt like dying; like being transported into the Afterlife.

Suddenly, I realized that my cheeks were wet as I heard the pain my friend’s voice as she said, “Mahal kita, Pam. Ayokong bumitaw…”

She burst into tears.

Ayokong bumitaw.

We were in a tight embrace.

Ayokong bumitaw.

Tears fell.

Ayokong bumitaw.

Goodbye’s were spoken.

Ayokong bumitaw…

I turned around and even saw my Grade 5 buddy, Edj, tell me: “Goodbye, Pam. I hope to see you again… Oh I think we’ll see each other again because of our Moms.”

I smiled. I am leaving this school now. I am leaving behind not just MCHS but all my thirteen years of Miriam College education.

That night, after reading all those sappy text messages from friends and teachers, I cried myself to sleep.

“I dont want to. Ü ayokong umiiyak when we say goodbye. U made me so proud, Pam. I thank God I had the chance….”

Wala lang. Had to cut that short, hehe… baka may ibang makabasa.

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PARDON THE MUSH.

Forgive me for deviating from my usual writing style… I just felt so lonely that day that I decided to write that for my next blog entry.

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TODAY: Went to school and got the ball pics. This year’s photographer is pretty good. A LOT better than last year’s effin’ R– V——, damn him! Just bought a copy of The ARTEMIS FOWL FILES!!! I am completely drooling over this book (ewww!). I also got me a copy of Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas by JAMES PATTERSON. It’s the ONLY LOVE STORY that I’VE READ…THAT MADE ME…WEEP.

SERIOUSLY.

If I were you, go get a copy of that book! It’s a wonderful read!

By the way, I am in the process of fixing this site’s Portfolio. I am just doing the finishing touches.

The other sections of this site will undergo MAJOR updates in the next few days.

Pardon the delay of updates… I just could not find the time. [We have no househelper at home, thus, being the helpful girl I am, I was cleaning bathrooms, hanging clothes, and sweeping floors the whole time *smirk*]

Oh well.

Sorry for this sucky entry.

‘Til next time, folks!

[Btw, thanks for all your tags and comments! I really appreciate them.]