Lugi
Sometimes… I just don’t know. I’ve lost all my words. I used to be easily inspired, but all of that is gone. I used to be super creative… but they killed my creativity. It feels like A Clockwork Orange and 1984 to me, but I just… followed. I allowed it to take over.
lugi /lu•gi/ Tagalog [1] n. loss in a business transaction; [2] adj. incurring loss in a business transaction.
Mom: Ayusin mo yung itsura mo, para kang nalugi.
Me: Eh nalugi naman talaga ako eh.
My passion for learning is now gone. My creativity is all drained away from me.
I am broken, and empty, and… I’m not sure if I could go on like this for a long time.
“Dancing puppets”—we’re all like dancing puppets. Pretty puppets.
“Oho, my sainted aunt, have I become a victim of brain fever, the curse of academia…?”
– Jonathan Crane, in SANDMAN #7: “Sound and Fury”
Three semesters to go.
Tagged as academia, burnout, confused, lugi, me, mom, sad, school + Categorized as Personal
pam! well i guess you need to be reassured that there are people (like me!) who believes in you..who trusts your abilitIES and capabilitIES:) i do, okay?:) so put that smile back on your face. email me:)
people fail sometimes. if that’s what you (partly) mean by lugi.. but it’s in failing that we learn to appreciate the littlest of things.. and sometimes, we do lose hope or the drive to go on.. but in the long run, we’ll somehow find again a reason to go on:) there’s always a reason for everything. even in failing or in losing trust in yourself.
when a door closes, a window opens:) if the window is stuck, try the door again, God will open it for you:D
Hi, Pam. I don’t know what exactly you’re going through but I hope you’re doing better. I know you will.
Ikaw pa! 
Thanks for the replies, guys. I really appreciate it. *hugs*
Well, it has something to do with being so unhappy with what I am doing right now. Long story, but yeah, I’ve got no choice and I have to finish this damned thing off. I swear, right after I graduate and right after I get this bloodyfucking greencard, I am going back to university and I am getting another degree–one that I really love. I just can’t imagine doing this for the rest of my life. Each day is a struggle for me since I hate everything about it: the professors, the insecure people around me, the bitchy nurses, the fucking patients that I don’t even care about… it’s awful.
PS: I’ll email you, Steph. Thanks again. I love you guys. <3
Hi pam! I can only imagine what you’re going through (with much more detail than I thought possible), but I know you can finish that like our old pointless high school requirements with ease and on top of everyone else. We both know you’re smarter than those stupid americans (I hope you screen your comments. haha).
Thanks, Julie.
Yeah, I do screen my comments, but regulars like you are unmoderated.
Don’t worry about classmates reading this—my classmates don’t know about this blog at all. [Or so I think... 
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