I probably shouldn’t have watched that movie this past Friday, but whatever. I probably shouldn’t have watched my missed Castle episode, either. But then again, at least I had some semblance of “fun” for the week. I need my lost 3 1/2 hours for some more study time, though. Two back-to-back 12-hour clinicals, 2 big exams on the same day, 2 self-reflections due the same night, and a boatload of crap to finish this week.Two by two, hands of blue? “FML” doesn’t fit in here.
I’ll quote Kate Beckett, instead: “I have no life.”
/wrist
/brachial artery
/carotid artery
/aorta
… and lots of *headdesk* arrghs and ash nazg gimbatul– May 8, 2010: I NEED YOU NOW.
[!--End Rant--]
PS: This isn’t a real blog entry, I know. I was supposed to post this on Facebook, but it was too long for a status message… and I had to vent this out somewhere… hence the utilization of this dear old blog of mine.
]]>Halloween is the stupidest, most pointless, blatantly banal consumerist “holiday” invented by the West. I understand X’mas, Father’s/Mother’s Day etc. They’re rooted in traditions that make sense. The premise of Halloween fails to make logical sense at all. What’s the point? Costumes? Candy? Closet sluts coming out? I’m leaning towards the latter, by the way. Halloween is the only time of the year where girls are allowed to look, dress, and act like sluts.
– cynical Me
It’s a good thing that government offices and businesses don’t close shop on Halloween and they don’t consider it a “real” holiday.
Oh, and for the record: I don’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, either. I’m not Irish. Why would I force myself to celebrate something that does not have any significance for me? Why must I wear green? It is not rooted in my personal traditions and I could not bear to adopt it either as it makes no sense for me to celebrate it.
On the other hand, there is the example of the universal holiday of Thanksgiving. I have adopted the celebration of Thanksgiving since it is a way for me to give thanks for the blessings from this nation, as well as use it as an opportunity to get together with family. I celebrate Christmas because it is rooted in the Christian faith and is carved into my family traditions. I know that it draws from Pagan traditions as well, but we are focusing on the Christian aspect since the point of this rant is all about how I only celebrate things that I consider significant to my life experience. You know, I don’t force it. [NB: Slutty Halloween girls = FORCED.]
But Halloween? Sure, I guess I understand the “oh, let the kids play dress up and have candy” part of it, but what about the sluts coming out at night? I swear, I think that’s what Halloween is for: absolute rubbish.
]]>This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:
I don’t consider myself straight edge. I don’t walk around with black X’s on my hands. I can’t stand screamo, emo, or hardcore punk. I’m not vegan either, but being vegetarian for health reasons has crossed my mind many times. If avoiding drugs, alcohol, and sex makes me straight edge, so be it.
I still can’t stand screamo or punk music, though.
]]>
What Would Malcolm Reynolds Do? – Moral Decision-Making Made Easy
“What Would Malcolm Reynolds Do?” is a site conceived from that very question. For now, it gathers all tweets that contain anything that mentions Malcolm Reynolds, the hashtag #WWMRD/WWMRD, or NathanFillion. I’m thinking of more funny stuff on there, FML or Chuck Norris-style. Or maybe some comics. We’ll see.
Follow us on twitter: http://www.twitter.com/WWMRD
]]>Anyway, I’m posting this short notice to let you know that I am going to lay low on the Internet for a while. Apparently, there is this stalker person who was able to track me down. I’m freaked out by it, hence I disabled my blog’s Lifestream (it contained Twitter, flickr, Facebook, and Last.fm updates at the sidebar) and went back to the totally minimalist blog design called blog.txt (which is awesome, by the way. Content is king, of course!). I’ve edited all my online profiles as well and took down all of my pictures that are available to the public.
I do believe I may have the person’s IP address & it has already been blocked from this blog, but of course, you could never be too safe.
This is why I used to be such a paranoid tinfoil-hat wearing netizen back in the day. However, thanks to Facebook, Twitter, some online forums, last.fm, and various other social media, I gradually let my guard down. This is a lesson I have to learn the hard way.
I’ll talk to you guys, soon. Don’t worry, I’m safe. Just doing some social media & general Internet housekeeping, is all.
Until then, just take care of yourselves.
]]>The fall semester’s looking a bit heavy from what I can see right now, so I’ve decided to take Research in the summer. It starts, oh, tomorrow evening. An evening class. Once a week. In the summer. Greeeeat. I’m taking Patho as well, since I do have to retake it anyway. I really want to raise my GPA, so I’m trying out some new ways to get things done. We’ll see.
* * * *
For the past few days, after going back and forth from HM to the BEACH!!!, I spent most of my time catching up on about a year’s worth of missed television. I finished watching the epic yet shortlived Sci-Fi series called Firefly [it lasted up to only 14 episodes before Big Bad Fox cancelled it], its spinoff big-screen bonus called Serenity, the infectious and totally entertaining Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, and the first season of Castle. The common denominator in all of these is actor Nathan Fillion. That actor is just brilliant. Aside from the fact that he’s the first Nathan I’ve ever known who isn’t an asshole [enter snickers and lols here], the guy’s just really really good. And hi-larious. 
* * * *
Also, last night, I finally saw the unofficial LOTR fan-made film, “The Hunt for Gollum”. It’s surprisingly very good. For a fan-made film, it’s AMAZING. It looks just like the ones New Line made. The fans based it off the stuff from the appendices, when Aragorn and Gandalf looked for Gollum. It happens before the Fellowship of the Ring. 
They only spent $4000 on it & nobody got paid. It’s made by fans, after all. It’s only about 40 minutes. Click here to see it.
As my friend pointed out, “The Hunt for Gollum” isn’t entirely accurate, but the general plot sticks to what happened [according to what Gandalf told the Hobbits in RoTK and the stuff I've looked at on the appendices, History of Middle-earth & The Unfinished Tales].
This whole thing now makes me think of the future of film. First off, we’ve witnessed the huge success of Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog as a purely web-distributed work. The continued success of films for the web may perhaps open up to a brand new business model for distributors and filmmakers alike. I know that this isn’t a new thing, especially with the rising popularity of the indie film scene, but mainstream cinema is dying… would people now turn to the Internet?
Anyway, enough rambling for now. So go and watch it!
* * * *
And lastly, I just want to post this here:
Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
Your results:
You are Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
|
Medicine and physical healing are your game, but wooing women isn’t a strong suit.  |
* * * * *
I came to the rotation feeling weak. I was recovering from profuse diarrhea that I have developed over the weekend. I just came from the UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill with my class. We dealt with burn victims and stayed there since Thursday night. I must’ve eaten something rotten along the way. That, or my GI tract got irritated somehow.
So anyway, today, I was assigned to be at the Pediatric Emergency Department. My preceptor gave me an opportunity to be part of a resuscitation team working with a 1 month-old cardiac arrest baby who just came in. I didn’t hear the specifics at that time since I was tasked with doing compressions on the infant’s chest [compressions as in pushing down on the chest during CPR]. The doctor wanted me to go faster and the respiratory therapist showed me how but pretty much took over after I let go. At this point, the adrenaline in my body really kicked in: I forgot about my diarrhea, or weakness. I was ready to get this baby up and about. Cardiac arrest? That is sooo cool. It’s so awesome that they’re allowing me to be doing this!
When I had nothing to do at the scene, my preceptor ordered me to insert a nasogastric tube [NG tube] down the infant. I have never put down an NG tube on a real person ever before, much less on a 1 month-old baby, but hey, this was the ER, and they want it done right now, so off I went, pushing that small tube down that baby’s nose. It was difficult to do and I couldn’t put it in–I met resistance–so I told the nurses around me that I was having trouble with it. One of them took over, met resistance as well, and eventually was instructed by the doctor to forget about that NG tube.
Things happened so quickly and there were a LOT of people all cramped into that tiny room. Some were other physicians who were merely observing, others the nurses, paramedics, and the actual resuscitation team. Monitors were attached, epinephrine was stuck onto the thighs, the physician was calmly barking out orders, the respiratory therapist was doing the compressions, the nurses were all over the place–at the midst of all this, I intently watched the infant, seemingly lifeless one second, seemingly animated the next. I prayed for it to survive. In fact, I was positive that it would survive. Cardiac arrest? Psh. Just strap on the defibrillators and you’re good to go.
However, in what I would describe as an Emergency Department version of a blitzkrieg gone awry, the people just stopped, took off their gloves, and left the room.
You will hate me for this analogy, but it just felt like that episode on Grey’s Anatomy where the donor organ harvest team quickly went into the room, and, in David’s words, “sliced and diced” the deceased patient, harvested the organs, and left. I forgot which character was left in the room, but when everybody else left, it hit her: this patient is human, this patient is dead, and what the hell happened? She just wept. That’s exactly how I felt, and that is exactly what I did.
The monitors were behind me and I have not looked at them during the whole code, and this time, I had the opportunity to do so. I looked behind me, and my heart sank: 0 heart rate, a flatline, and 6 respirations.
The baby’s dead.
In a part-idiot, part-panicked attempt to know what and why and because, I held the baby’s hand in my gloved finger. Cold. I squeezed its arm. Cold. My hands and feet are usually really cold, but this kind of cold flesh is something I have never felt before.
It was Death. It was Demise. It was that baby, dead.
Then it just hit me. I remember the physician [bless his heart, he was amazing], turn to me and started explaining what had happened. Tears started forming in my eyes. I had drowned out his words. It was just all too overwhelming, I couldn’t take it.
I wept.
I wept for that baby.
I wept for that baby’s parents.
I wept for my naïveté.
I somehow ended up being led into the staff break room, crying.
I never had anyone die on me like that: not even a pet. My heart was broken; it still is, and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again, ever.
]]>Anyway, this is from the Schweppes Short Film Festival. It’s 12 minutes long, but oh so worth it.
Enjoy. ♥
Signs – from the Schweppes Short Film Festival
Watch Signs – from the Schweppes Short Film Festival
Frozen Sink Water, originally uploaded by Pam Q..
So I was washing my face and brushing my teeth last night at about 1:00 AM, and as I was rinsing off the toothpaste, I noticed that the water suddenly started forming ice at the bottom of the sink. So yeah. It was so cold that water from the faucet starts freezing. Damn.
* * * *
Sorry for the lack of updates. Ever since I came to this bloodyfriggin’ program, I had no time for anything else. Sort of frozen, like this sink water. I had to give up a lot of things and people–blogging included. I did, however, continue to update my microblogging outlets such as my Facebook status, twitter, and the latest one, plurk.
I did find blessing in this bloodyfriggin’ program, however. I met people who I greatly respect and met about two who I consider kindred spirits.
I’ll write a proper blog entry next time. For now, I hope you’ll be content in knowing that yes, I am still alive. I may have given up writing [for now], but know that this blog is always around for your entertainment and mine. Also, if you haven’t done so yet, you may want to check out the archives and find a couple of my more entertaining/angsty entries from a couple of years back.