I probably shouldn’t have watched that movie this past Friday, but whatever. I probably shouldn’t have watched my missed Castle episode, either. But then again, at least I had some semblance of “fun” for the week. I need my lost 3 1/2 hours for some more study time, though. Two back-to-back 12-hour clinicals, 2 big exams on the same day, 2 self-reflections due the same night, and a boatload of crap to finish this week.Two by two, hands of blue? “FML” doesn’t fit in here.

I’ll quote Kate Beckett, instead: “I have no life.”

/wrist
/brachial artery
/carotid artery
/aorta

… and lots of *headdesk* arrghs and ash nazg gimbatul– May 8, 2010: I NEED YOU NOW.

[!--End Rant--]

PS: This isn’t a real blog entry, I know. I was supposed to post this on Facebook, but it was too long for a status message… and I had to vent this out somewhere… hence the utilization of this dear old blog of mine.

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Frozen Sink Water, originally uploaded by Pam Q..

So I was washing my face and brushing my teeth last night at about 1:00 AM, and as I was rinsing off the toothpaste, I noticed that the water suddenly started forming ice at the bottom of the sink. So yeah. It was so cold that water from the faucet starts freezing. Damn.

* * * *

Sorry for the lack of updates. Ever since I came to this bloodyfriggin’ program, I had no time for anything else. Sort of frozen, like this sink water. I had to give up a lot of things and people–blogging included. I did, however, continue to update my microblogging outlets such as my Facebook status, twitter, and the latest one, plurk.

I did find blessing in this bloodyfriggin’ program, however. I met people who I greatly respect and met about two who I consider kindred spirits.

I’ll write a proper blog entry next time. For now, I hope you’ll be content in knowing that yes, I am still alive. I may have given up writing [for now], but know that this blog is always around for your entertainment and mine. Also, if you haven’t done so yet, you may want to check out the archives and find a couple of my more entertaining/angsty entries from a couple of years back.

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2. When people ask for your age, you still have to calculate it because you just simply lost track after 18.

3. You wish that you were sixteen forever…

4. …but on the other hand, you do feel like a sixteen year-old stuck in this adult body.

5. You find yourself saying the phrase “back in high school” far too often.

6. You romanticize and idealize your high school experiences too much.

7. You realize that the 1990′s babies are all grown-up now [you being the 80's baby that you are].

8. By the time you realize #7, you get depressed.

9. You think that age is more than a number and make a big deal out of it.

10. You wish that you were 21 so even if you were a twentynothingsomething, you could start drinking legally and drown in the depths of despair along with your two new buddies, Mr.Daniel and Mr.Mule [and perhaps Senor Zapata, as well]. XD

11. You keep on referring to twenty-somethings as twenty-nothings. [Which is bad, I think.] XD

12. You would refer to anyone 19 years old and below as a “kid”.

13. If you are a twenty-nothingsomething and single, your folks would bug you about getting a boy/girlfriend.

14. If you already have one, they’ll keep warning you not to get married.

15. You then realize that you have to get a job…

16. …but then again, you’re aiming for “young, wild, and free [and maybe failure to launch, as well]” so why get a job? XD

17. You write essays to get free cash for school textbooks.

18. You’re busting your a** in preparation for med school.

19. All of the above items apply to you.

20. Upon reading #19, you get depressed.

* * * * *

One thing I’ve realized after all these years is that birthdays aren’t all about the material stuff–heck, my mom gave me tons of make-up so that I would start “acting like a girl”–as if I weren’t already . Birthdays were invented so that people would remember each other. I use birthdays as an excuse to say hi to that certain someone whom I haven’t talked to in ages, or that somebody whom I’ve found myself to drift away from through the years.

It’s all basically an excuse to poke somebody out of the blue and not feel embarrassed about it.

Thanks to those who remembered [who poked, prodded, messaged, rang, and texted], and to those who didn’t, as well.

Last night, all I asked God was for me to be happy.

Today, I really am.

I love my life: that new house we’re getting built is looking fantastic, the people around me are just fabulous, my friends are all so thoughtful, and my family just rocks.

I love everyone. ♥

*starts a new chapter in my life-book*

People just love to celebrate. They assign special symbolism for specific numbers or specific points in time. That is the reason why mankind invented calendars, numbers, ages, birthdays, and the notion of time.

“Time. A footspan on eternity’s trail.”

Time flies so fast… It moves too soon… In one of Bilbo Baggins‘ riddles featured in JRR Tolkien’s The Hobbit, a riddle for time goes:

“This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down. “

And that is the reality of life. We age, we grow, and we die. We fear that we are losing time as it quickly slips away from our fingers–but alas! we never lose time. Time has always been here: it never grows, it merely continues. It stretches and diminishes, depending on one’s senses. It crawls in the dark, and hides in the shadows, unnoticed and dimmed by mirth and gaeity, but leaps on towards you, when you least expect it… and you realize that all that mirth and gaeity are but mirrors and illusions: trickery to haze up your mind and shield you from reality.

But what is that reality? What is that realization that youth hides from us?

I don’t know either, so I guess all we have to do is find out ourselves.

“Now is the only time there is. Make your now wow,
your minutes miracles, and your days pay. Your
life will have been magnificently lived and
invested, and when you die you will have made a
difference.”
- Mark Victor Hansen

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This is my 100th blog entry.
Thank you for all your comments and support.
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Kitten should be in New Jersey by now. I hope you had a nice trip, dear!